Blue monday

Today is Blue Monday, or Depression Monday, according to psychologist Cliff Arnall the most depressing day of the year, based on a formula that has since been strongly criticized. According to Arnall, people are supposed to be so depressed by failed good intentions and the days being so dark. Fortunately, the sun is shining today. According to scientific research, attorneys are supposed to be the most depressed target group, always focused on what could go wrong. It would thus not be at all surprising if the divorce attorneys among them, given the profession, would be at the peak of being depressed, but it is precisely in our profession that hope and trust are so important. A divorce is not something every girl dreams of when she is young, the way she dreams of perhaps her most beautiful day.

Yet a divorce can also give a very positive turn to your life or usher in a more positive period. Expectations and your own mind set play a very important role in this. That is not to say that it will be a walk in the park or a joke, but you can learn a lot about yourself and relationships through a divorce and take advantage of this when you start a new relationship or in other areas. Some people develop enormously during the divorce process, which does not mean that they do not experience sadness or challenges. Or exactly because of the sadness and the challenges they face. No pain, no gain. The quality of communication during the relationship can also make a big difference in how you interact with each other afterwards and how the children do in the new situation. So, think about talking to a family attorney before you get married, have children or consider divorcing. All important decision moments represent a moment when you can make a difference (for the future) with your choices, approach, attitude and commitment. The way in which the relationship ends and the process towards reaching that also make a difference. If, after a lot of effort and therapy, you and your partner have decided that you are better off continuing in a different situation, then there is more chance of mutual acceptance of the divorce. It can also feel better for yourself that you have given the other person and yourself a fair chance.

• Forms of constructive separation, such as collaborative divorce and mediation or consultation, can also contribute to a more bearable result. I myself am quite a fan of collaborative divorce because a coach is involved and a team is committed to achieving the best possible result in a transparent manner.
• Unfortunately, you do not always have a choice, and it can happen that the other person does not want that or does not respond constructively. You can never change the other person, but by investigating for yourself what you can do differently or how you can best respond, the dynamics can change, and you will at least grow.

So, there is always light in the darkness.